it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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