If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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