States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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