JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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