I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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