After last night, I could never be a politician.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
