my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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