apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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