I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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