im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
