"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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