Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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