But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
