i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
