Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Couch. On fire.
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