Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
