your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
