i think i have herpe
just one?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
