well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
