that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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