I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
