she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
