i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
