Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
