hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
