I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
