...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
