Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't deserve a penis
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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