they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
