let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
