You can't motorboat a personality
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
