Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
