You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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