Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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