If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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