I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
