mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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