Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
