I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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