He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
