At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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