He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
