Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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