i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
