Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
