So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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