There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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