Don't you send me to vm
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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