i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
