Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
