im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
