Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
