And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
